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jenn

You're so cute when you're slurring your speech
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it's been awhile.. [Tuesday
December 13th, 2005
5:48pm
]
i want a boyfriend. not having one is the root of all evil, honestly. i want one but i don't want to settle. there are NO options at my school and i don't get out enough to meet DECENT people. so basically i'm just bitching for no reason. i suppose i'll have to give it time and not be so damn hard on myself.
1 slur of speech|they're closing the bar

maladroit to the core [Wednesday
November 9th, 2005
7:15am
]
[ mood | melancholy ]

i'm such a failure =[
the only thing i had to do last night was STUDY for a fucking history test. somehow i couldn't bring myself to do it. so i started to do it late last night. but then decided to sleep. then this morning..i tell my mom i don't think i'm ready for the test (it's a pretty big deal because i failed the class last marking period) and i start busting out in tears. what i really wanted to say was 'there's a lot more shit wrong with me then just school.' and i was seriously considering asking about getting depression pills. but i couldn't make her feel worse. but i don't understand how she can be so clueless as to how i feel. i can't continue feeling like this. it's horrible..

they're closing the bar

mkay.. [Monday
October 17th, 2005
8:33pm
]
[ mood | aggravated ]

wellllllllll
something good COULD'VE happened today..
but being the idiot i am i couldn't believe that it was for real.
let's just say the guy i like..basically told me he liked me.
and i fucked the whole thing up by saying that i liked him as just a friend.
because i never actually believe that someone can be serious when they like me (why? no idea..low self esteem, possibly..) so i don't know. i guess i can still fix this but..IM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!!! i don't have a clue when it comes to guys, i really don't. ahhhhhhhhhh!

2 slur of speech|they're closing the bar

sigh. [Sunday
October 16th, 2005
12:50pm
]
[ mood | discontent ]

i'm so confused about everything..
i just feel like i'm not good enough for anyone and no one wants me..
=[
i'm sick of being optimistic and i'm sick of waiting.
but i know that i should have complete control over what happens to me.
i just sit around and wait for stuff to happen..and it never does.
IDK WHAT I SHOULD DO!
should i just start being more aggressive, even though it's not my personality?
i feel like i've just reached this giant plateau and nothing is changing.
it's the same old shit every day..

2 slur of speech|they're closing the bar

this just in [Thursday
October 6th, 2005
6:47pm
]
[ mood | idk.. ]

i dyed my hair. it looks sooooo awesome now =]
and uh, lately..i've been having mood swings like you wouldn't believe.
i've been really outgoing. and then i've been really depressed. and then really bitchy. idk. it's weird. probably aunt flow will be showing up at my front door pretty soon. lol. um im confused about this one guy.i like him alot but i can't tell if he likes me. the people i've told about this think he does but i really don't know. and he's kinda not the kid you'd bring home to mom. lol. sooooooo im pretty confused. and there are other things too, but i won't get into them. at least not for right now. ::sigh:: i just need my life to start being good again.

they're closing the bar

[Thursday
September 29th, 2005
4:30pm
]
my life is pointless.
i can't even begin to explain
im a waste of space
1 slur of speech|they're closing the bar

adfadfjcv [Sunday
September 25th, 2005
12:32pm
]
[ mood | dorky ]

this is a follow-up to my last entry.

lamest.
wedding.
EVER!

goddddddd. it was awful.
but at the same time kinda funny..
the music they were playing was terrible. me, my sister, and my cousin were gettin t.o'ed. lol then my sister leaves and goes to her friends..and me and tammy go into the bathroom and our aunt is like "IM ABOUT READY TO LEAVE. THAT DJ JUST KEEPS GETTING LOUDER AND LOUDER" (fyi: the loudest he played at that point was ac/dc..other than that it was all "brown eyed girl" and stuff like that. aka CRAP)

so THEN..we come out of the bathroom and get low comes on. LOL. and we start dancing. and my aunt and uncle leave. THEY LEAVE THEIR OWN SON'S WEDDING RECEPTION. how gay is that?! i know they are my family. but. they're a couple of fucking squares and i can't stand it.

and ANOTHER THING that was freaaakin stupid was my other aunt (my mom's sister) got all pissed at my mom because she sat at the other table with my grandparents. and when she left she wouldn't even let my mom give her a hug. ajfiodjflkdfj PSH. MY MOM IS LIKE THE NICEST PERSON IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE, HO. that's what i wanted to say to her lol.

AND THERE WAS NO HOT GUYS.
AND NO GOOD MUSIC.
AND PEOPLE DIDNT GET DRUNK ENOUGH.
OR THEY GOT TOO DRUNK.

but the bright side is i got to see my aunt becky and uncle doug and my cousin tammy. and let me tell you, they are the shizzle. i <3 them like none other.

ok, funniest thing ever..
my aunt becky was like.
i know how you kids dance, i've been watching.
and then she puts her hands on her knees and then she "picks her shoulders off"
LMAO.
and she would get all grossed out when i popped my hips lol. (when they actually played good music)
oh geez. you would've had to been there

WOO. I'M DONE.

they're closing the bar

[]D[][]V[][]D [Saturday
September 24th, 2005
8:25am
]
[ mood | optimistic ]

TODAY..im going to my cousin's that i barely ever see/talk to wedding! i'm actually excited though because this is how it's gonna go down..

"Jen goes to wedding in far away town. She notices that the bride has a lot of hot cousins. One of these cousins begin talking to her. VOILA! Jen now has a boyfriend!!!"

lmao. oh i wish, i wish. im gonna get really gussied up for this thing. so it best not let me down. gaaahhh. yeah so im pretty much fed up with being single. i just don't want it to get to the point where i'm so desperate and will take anything that comes my way..because the guy selection at my school is pretty limited so i need to take my business elsewhere. psh@m-town.


--this kind of optimism always kills me

they're closing the bar

who knows [Thursday
September 15th, 2005
3:59pm
]
[ mood | gloomy ]

well, this week has been filled with car accidents, depression, and family problems.

let me start with when i crashed the car (ON MY PERMIT!!) i was going down my road and i was going to turn left into my driveway and this stupid dumbass whore tries PASSING me. so we crashed. and it was completely her fault..

so anyways, that was pretty much where all the "family drama" started. because my dad is a fucking idiot and he just switched medication (for depression) and they haven't started working yet. i seriously hate trying to explain to people exactly why i hate him so much because they can't understand. you wouldn't know why unless you lived with the bastard...GOSH. last night was one of the worser times in a while. he actually put his fucking hands on me. and then he like threw his beer can at me.

sigh..

no WONDER i'm so messed up.

2 slur of speech|they're closing the bar

[Tuesday
September 6th, 2005
7:48pm
]
[ mood | sleepy ]

hellooo journal. i think this entry i am going to ignore my emotions and just write what has been going on...JENS NOT BEING SELF ABSORBED?!?! WTF. don't worry, i still am..just not publicly. lol.

anywho..

so i've been in school for about a week or so. and i've been going to 7am band practice every morning..its not too bad. it gets kinda frustrating though when we don't know what we're doing but ooohhhh welll.

i really want to do something to help out the people who were affected by hurricane katrina =[..it's so terrible. i can't even imagine losing my family and everything i own. they're going through a tough time..maybe i can organize something to help out..idk. i need to talk to people about that.

my cousin is prego. and i don't know how to feel about that one. but i don't want to go in detail cause...im not so much for gossiping about my family.

ummmmmmmmmmmmmm..

i guess that's all. i suppose.

they're closing the bar

back to school, back to school [Monday
August 29th, 2005
4:06pm
]
[ mood | indifferent ]

so today was the first day of school. it wasn't bad. it wasn't good. i hate our town though. its full of cocky preps. well not everyone is like that but 95% are. and my classes seem pretty boring so far...i thought this year might have been better but it doesn't look that way..meh. im just being a downer. it will be fine, im sure. but i still hate this town with a passion.

IN OTHER NEWS.
mcr lost at the vma's..
which pissed me off royally.
i hate green day. they didn't deserve to win.
neither did fall out boy. they are horrible live.

1 slur of speech|they're closing the bar

ghhgkyd,gdo6rl09rddguk [Thursday
August 25th, 2005
10:31pm
]
[ mood | gloomy ]

i wish i could explain how i feel.
i really do..
i think there's something wrong with me.
i'm sad way too much..
maybe i just need something to make me happy.
uggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i hate trying to explain myself in this damn journal.

1 slur of speech|they're closing the bar

[Monday
August 22nd, 2005
4:03pm
]
[ mood | blank ]

GUESS WHAT................................
i ordered my mcr tickets!!!
there is FINALLY somethin GOOD to look forward to =)
im so excited

last night, i went to a show and it pretty much sucked
the music was ok. but i just wasn't in a good mood
im gettin pretty sick of being single..

1 slur of speech|they're closing the bar

IM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION! [Wednesday
August 10th, 2005
9:37pm
]
[ mood | confused ]

wow. my feelings go all over the place. its not even cool..
maybe if people would tell me what they're feeling i wouldn't be confused about MY feelings.

bitches.

they're closing the bar

there is no you, there is only me [Wednesday
August 10th, 2005
1:56pm
]
[ mood | chipper ]

i love when im in an optimistic mood.
but even better then that mood is an accepting mood.
WOO I LOVE IT. because im happy.
and me being happy is rare.
so SCORE!

they're closing the bar

its about to be a what?! GIRL FIGHT [Sunday
August 7th, 2005
3:32pm
]
[ mood | okay ]

whew. i just had a mini freak-out! why, you ask. well..there is a my chemical romance concert next month and i plan on going (i will bust some skulls if i can't go)..but anyways. today i remembered that there are two wedding that i must attend next month. PSH! but yeah maybe i can just go to the ceremony and not the reception. its not like my cousin or anything so hopefully it will be all good. and if i go..im gonna try to leave early and get there when hardly anyone's there..so maybe there would be a chance of meeting mcr (or alk3 or reggie & the full effect). yup im a concert natzi. they make me happy, what can i say? i need to start updating this thing more...mkay. well later el jay.

3 slur of speech|they're closing the bar

[Thursday
August 4th, 2005
12:40pm
]
[ mood | depressed ]

well..
i've been listening to a perfect sonnet by bright eyes. repeatedly. that can't be good. i'm so depressed. i can't even begin to explain. i just feel worthless. the people who i want to care about me, don't anymore. at least that's what it feels like. i think about what it would be like if i just ended it all. but i can never do it. and the only reason for that is my mom and my sisters. everyone else would move on just fine. i just can't imagine what they would do though. so pretty much, if one of them goes, i go. don't worry, all the 3 people that read this, im not suicidal. it's just that my life has little worth. i feel like such a fake.. i don't know. im sick of this feeling though. i have a lot of things i wish i could say to some people, but i just don't know how. no one even knows me.

1 slur of speech|they're closing the bar

i need a mood ring [Wednesday
August 3rd, 2005
8:50pm
]
fuckjdfkajsfkjdfdkfjasioirjmlfd
things seem to be falling apart.
not things. but one specific thing.
and i don't like it..but i don't know what to do.
i love how im so vague.
no i don't.
im starting to get fed up with this situation.
and i wish something would come along to get my mind taken off of it.
this entry did nothing for me.
they're closing the bar

band camp [Saturday
July 30th, 2005
4:41pm
]
band camp.
good times.
love my friends<3
don't feel like writing. =]
they're closing the bar

hi... [Thursday
July 14th, 2005
3:20pm
]
LIVE JOURNAL. rawr. boredom is taking over..um so im supposed to go camping on saturday in canada for a week. and i really don't want to. i've been telling my mom this and giving her major guilt trips..i hope it works. ill be miserable if i go. seriously.
1 slur of speech|they're closing the bar

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